


have you heard about Captain America's New Boyfriend (TM)?

by cettevieestbien



Series: SAM: RED ALERT STEVE MET A BOY [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Characters Are in Fandom, Fandom Politics, Friendship, Gen, In-Universe RPF, M/M, OT5 Friendship, POV Outsider, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-08
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-07-13 21:29:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7137926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cettevieestbien/pseuds/cettevieestbien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternately titled, The Only Thing Harder Than Writing RPF Is Steve Rogers' Dick</p><p>"CLARA: hey so idk if any of u have seen this yet, but cap is out in the city with some dude. any ideas?<br/>JAZZY: Jordan should know, he lives there<br/>KELLY: He’s at work rn, you both know that<br/>CLARA: ok yeah i did but I NEED INFO ON THIS. EW ISN’T REPORTING ENOUGH FOR ME<br/>RYAN: jeez Clara calm tf down.<br/>...<br/>JORDAN: God above Clara"</p><p>An Outsider POV of Shrunkyclunks, as told by the texts between five RPF'ers</p>
            </blockquote>





	have you heard about Captain America's New Boyfriend (TM)?

**Author's Note:**

> Character breakdown is in the notes of this series, but here it is anyway.
> 
> JORDAN: he/they. college dropout (20). got into the rpf fandom bc he lives in NYC and was there for the battle of New York.  
> CLARA: she/her. highschooler (18). got into the rpf fandom bc she is bored with school and found tumblr.  
> KELLY: she/her. college grad (25). got into the rpf fandom bc she saw it on tumblr and wanted to see what it was about.  
> RYAN: them/they. gap yearing it (19). got into the rpf fandom bc they wanted a distraction from their real life.  
> JAZZMINE: she/her. college student (22). got into the rpf fandom bc she is stressing too hard and shipping always calms her down.
> 
> I'm just trying something new here, let me know how you like it! Thanks and enjoy!

**CLARA:** hey so idk if any of u have seen this yet, but cap is out in the city with some dude. any ideas?

 

 **JAZZY:** Jordan should know, he lives there

 

 **KELLY:** He’s at work rn, you both know that

 

 **CLARA:** ok yeah i did but I NEED INFO ON THIS. EW ISN’T REPORTING ENOUGH FOR ME

 

 **RYAN:** jeez Clara calm tf down.

 

 **CLARA:** I just want to know who this guy is, ok?? he’s not an avenger so he’s either a friend or a date

 

 **JAZZY:** Or he’s just a guy who Cap knows? U should stop assuming things girl, it’ll get u far

 

 **CLARA:** snort

 

 **RYAN:** look Clara he gets off soon, in like twenty mins. ask them then.

 

 **CLARA:** ugh I want them to be off nowwwwwwwwwwwwww

 

***20 mins later***

 

 **JORDAN:** God above Clara

 

 **JORDAN:** Far as I can tell, the guy is one of the many self defense instructors around New York. That’s not to say I know who he is, I just asked a co-worker and they said that’s who they think he is.

 

 **CLARA:** hey that’s a start tho right?

 

 **JAZZY:** I guess…..

 

 **CLARA:** am i allowed to gush about this now?? Please?

 

 **KELLY:** As much as I would like to say go ahead, u gotta understand that this is a real person...not just some unattainable celebrity or smth.

 

 **RYAN:** yeah that’d be like someone writing porn about your sibling, or friend.

 

 **CLARA:** i live in Cali ok, i’ve met some famous ppl, we’ve kept in contact

 

 **JAZZY:** Name one

 

 **CLARA:**...Mila Kunis

 

 **JORDAN:** Bullshit

 

 **CLARA:** :/ why are you all attacking me

 

 **RYAN:** Bc you're an idiot

 

 **CLARA:** ouch

 

 **KELLY:** Ok that’s it for me

 

 **KELLY:** Y’all have fun

 

 **JAZZY:** NOOO COME BACK

 

 **JORDAN:** Good job guys you scared her away

 

 **CLARA:** i hate all of you

 

* * *

 

 **JORDAN:** Did you guys see the front page of TMZ???

 

 **CLARA:** AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 0.0

 

 **CLARA:** IM DYINGGGG

 

 **RYAN:** What’s going on??? I’m at work I can’t look

 

 **JAZZY:** Basically the guy Cap was seen with is named James Buchanan Barnes, was born March 10, 1987 and is a saint

 

 **KELLY:** Some people on tumblr r saying he’s some slut whos trying to get close to the avengers but u know how that is

 

 **JORDAN:** Smh

 

 **RYAN:** Some ppl r insane

 

 **CLARA:** well……..

 

 **JAZZY:** NO. N. O. Don’t start on this bullshit. Let him live his life with whoever he wants

 

 **RYAN:** Did they even say they were dating?

 

 **KELLY:** It’s being highly implied, e.g. “they were seen at a local Starbucks with Rogers’ fellow Avenger, Sam Wilson, aka The Falcon.”

 

 **RYAN:** Hoo boy

 

 **JORDAN:** Yeahhhhhhhhhhh

 

* * *

 

 **CLARA:** OK LISTEN TO THIS:

 

 **CLARA:** “[Bucky]’s a great guy, we met not too long ago. We’ve gone on a few dates. [...] I’d really appreciate if everyone didn’t hound him, trying to get a statement, or something. He doesn’t need that. …”

 

 **RYAN:** Ok and what significance does this have to us

 

 **JAZZY:** Clearly, she’s freaking out about our favorite Steve Rogers, so we have to make sure she stays sane

 

 **RYAN:** There’s more than one?

 

 **KELLY:** The other is an older athlete, I forget what sport he played. And Clara, do you know what that means?

 

 **CLARA:** all the gay porn, none the asking of questions, obviously

 

 **JORDAN:** I hate when you put it like that, it makes me feel weird, like I’m doing something wrong or like...violating privacy

 

 **KELLY:** We’re not doing anything wrong in this fandom at the very least. Maybe the “”Stucky”” porn, but the rest, we’re not

 

 **JORDAN:** How?

 

 **KELLY:** The Avengers have already expressed their opinion on this, which was “we aren’t gonna read it or look at it, but go ahead”.

 

 **KELLY:** It could be a lot worse - some ppl are like, “ew, that’s gross. No thanks, don’t write that about me.”

 

 **JAZZY:** No one said we didn’t have it easy, he was just saying it’s kinda weird when put that way

 

 **CLARA:** i guess. i’m gonna go write as much as i can, i got a new idea.

 

 **CLARA:** how do you guys like this: “James Buchanan ‘Bucky’ Barnes was born on march 10, 1917, and fought alongside Steven Grant ‘Steve’ Rogers in WW2. They were besties until tragedy struck and Bucky got hurt”?

 

 **JAZZY:** R u suddenly accepting of him?

 

 **CLARA:** well i figured hes here to stay so i have to if i want to get anything written

 

 **RYAN:** Can I do art for that?? Please? I can already imagine them in the clothes they wore back then, and serving in the war….

 

 **JORDAN:** What happens when he gets hurt??? Does he die?? You can’t leave me hanging

 

 **CLARA:** YES RYAN THANK YOU

 

 **CLARA:** J, he’s gonna like… fall off a train, and Steve’s gonna think hes dead and its gonna be some Romeo and Juliet shit bc neither of them will die BUT theyll think the other has

 

 **KELLY:** Omg why. I still have to read my bro’s book!! I can’t be worried about what’s gonna happen to our precious Steve

 

 **CLARA:**...will you be able to beta anyway?

 

 **KELLY:** SIGH I guess so, I’ll just tell Brad I’m too busy with work

 

 **CLARA:** AHHH THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH

 

 **JAZZY:** I assume you want me to write the porn

 

 **CLARA:** yes please

 

 **JAZZY:**...fine, as long as I get to potentially play in this sandbox in the future

 

 **CLARA:** yeah sure anything

 

 **CLARA:** i’ve already started writing some, i think im gonna have be childhood friends to up the angst. im gonna go ok!! bye!

 

 **RYAN:** Hoo boy, I can’t wait

 

 **KELLY:** Well, you say that because you won’t have to draw until everything else is done.

 

 **RYAN:** Eh, still

 

 **JAZZY:** Guys I gtg, family calls, but HMU IF ANYTHING HAPPENS WITH THIS FIC

 

 **JORDAN:** Gotcha, we will

 

 **JORDAN:** I’m gonna go too guys, see ya

 

 **RYAN:** R u gonna leave me too Kelly

 

 **KELLY:** You know how it is

 

 **KELLY:** Have a good day :) bye

 

 **RYAN:** Ttyl


End file.
